pretty flowers and dirty places

i can't stand him, really, i'm not playing. i don't want to want this. i'm too old for fairytale endings and butterflies. i know what's real. i don't even bother to try to fool myself anymore. i miss him so much i can't stand myself and it pisses me off so bad. i think about him every night before i let the pillow take me to a softer place and even then i'm never rid of those hazel eyes. he makes me feel like someone else. someone happier, but maybe not so smart.i'm in way over my head in this one but i can't stop, and i'm wandering into even deeper waters. and i'm too stupid to be afraid of this jump. i think he's been sent by some evil creature from another planet to destroy me.i know this is another ditzy blog from another ditzy blogger.